tired.

I am just so tired lately.. The amount of things I have to do and the amount of the things I havent done are having a war on their own; and the amount of things I haven't done are wining every goddamned battle.

I cannot really function well. I don't have time to be my own person. I feel like I am constantly pretending; at least to stay awake. I have a feelin I might be sick but ,then again, I have no time for the doc.

Even today, I was supposed to attend my friend's wedding. I thought I'd lay down a bit before gettin ready for the wedding, I knocked out! I was practically unconcsious. I could've been falling from a high floor, and i'll be still sleeping. And I wanted to sleep somemore. My body so weak, my mind fuzzy. It's irritating. I don't understand why but I don't like it anyhow.

I feel like going away some where for 3 days alone and not really attempting anything at all.. Jus sleep and wake up. Just walk around on my own. I miss thinking. I mean thinking about unnecessary stuff. I don't seem to do that anymore. Now all I think about is relevant. I swear it kills spontaneity. I just want to be able to spend 2 hours on the 'throne' and think of movie dialogues and try to understand the politics of life.

Now I have rush even when I am bathing. It's ultimately very sad. The very thing I detested, is the one thing I have become - Someone who exists, not live.

It's a balance I am working at; but it's so damn difficult. And not mention, So damn TIRING!