I am just so tired lately.. The amount of things I have to do and the amount of the things I havent done are having a war on their own; and the amount of things I haven't done are wining every goddamned battle.
I cannot really function well. I don't have time to be my own person. I feel like I am constantly pretending; at least to stay awake. I have a feelin I might be sick but ,then again, I have no time for the doc.
Even today, I was supposed to attend my friend's wedding. I thought I'd lay down a bit before gettin ready for the wedding, I knocked out! I was practically unconcsious. I could've been falling from a high floor, and i'll be still sleeping. And I wanted to sleep somemore. My body so weak, my mind fuzzy. It's irritating. I don't understand why but I don't like it anyhow.
I feel like going away some where for 3 days alone and not really attempting anything at all.. Jus sleep and wake up. Just walk around on my own. I miss thinking. I mean thinking about unnecessary stuff. I don't seem to do that anymore. Now all I think about is relevant. I swear it kills spontaneity. I just want to be able to spend 2 hours on the 'throne' and think of movie dialogues and try to understand the politics of life.
Now I have rush even when I am bathing. It's ultimately very sad. The very thing I detested, is the one thing I have become - Someone who exists, not live.
It's a balance I am working at; but it's so damn difficult. And not mention, So damn TIRING!
Friday, 28 December 2007
Sunday, 23 December 2007
For now
I would like to start of this blog by letting out a burden from my chest;
It is unbelievable how immensely difficult it is to sign into this blog. I keep forgettin my sign-in email and furthermore, my password. And if i get my email right, but my damn password is somehow, GOD FORBID!, misspelt, it prompts that my EMAIL is wrong. So I search high and low wondering what the hell could be wrong?! Wrong information could lead to unnecessary frustration, leading to unbelievable amount of energy being drained.
Bottomline: I don't like computers!
But since there are a necessity to our day and age, I shall succumb and learn the treacherous art of using a computer. Bless me and wish me the luck and patience I would need. And my laptop would need.
Well I have alot going on with my life and since I do not regularly blog,it would probably take 3 hours for me to write all details down and 5 hours for you to read it (I included a hour nap time in between for you.).
I have been conducting the pract for PJC and TP touch team. And besides the nitty gritty details, there is a stark difference between the two teams. I may be stereotyping but from my observation, a college team seem less competitive and interested in the sport of touch rugby than a poly team.I suppose I did come up with some unsupported reasoning for these but I may be wrong:
It is unbelievable how immensely difficult it is to sign into this blog. I keep forgettin my sign-in email and furthermore, my password. And if i get my email right, but my damn password is somehow, GOD FORBID!, misspelt, it prompts that my EMAIL is wrong. So I search high and low wondering what the hell could be wrong?! Wrong information could lead to unnecessary frustration, leading to unbelievable amount of energy being drained.
Bottomline: I don't like computers!
But since there are a necessity to our day and age, I shall succumb and learn the treacherous art of using a computer. Bless me and wish me the luck and patience I would need. And my laptop would need.
Well I have alot going on with my life and since I do not regularly blog,it would probably take 3 hours for me to write all details down and 5 hours for you to read it (I included a hour nap time in between for you.).
I have been conducting the pract for PJC and TP touch team. And besides the nitty gritty details, there is a stark difference between the two teams. I may be stereotyping but from my observation, a college team seem less competitive and interested in the sport of touch rugby than a poly team.I suppose I did come up with some unsupported reasoning for these but I may be wrong:
- JC team technically have only a year to put full commitement into a team sport such as Touch rugby, and this does not give enough time for the chemistry. Poly teams are given 3 years at the least, to compete.
- The lack of important tournaments and leagues available to Junior Colleges. Poly teams have IVP, POL-ITE and NTL.If I am not mistaken, JC teams have only NTL and the pitiful handful of carnivals organised by TS.
- The stress placed upon studies. JC team members are there to take their A levels and head to Uni. Maybe they feel that this sport is just a pass time.
- The lack of emphasis on sports in JCs.
These are just hypothese derived from discussions with my friends from both polys and JCs. I think it's sad that only a handful of girls from JC actually commit to the game and the advancement of both themselves and the game. But when it comes to Contact Rugby, the JC boys are very much involved. Maybe because of the availability of numerous tournaments.
Oh well, I just think it's a little upsetting considering that many of the girls in PJC team alone have potential to be better players but lack the right environment; not to mention to restrictions placed upon them by the school.
Moving on from there, I have been doing some thinking. I know, 'so what else is new' ah? Well, you see, lately alot of questions have been swirling inside my head.
Am i capable of being a mental skills trainer? Do I impact people life? Have I achieved anything worth feelin proud of? What am I meant to do? What is the purpose of a person like me? Am I really funny or are people just laughing cause I look stupid? Am I really who i am? Do I look stupid? Am I ugly? Does it matter if I'm ugly? etc etc..
Well in simple terms, all my insecurities and paranoia kinda just came rushing out like a flash flood. There are normal to any human being but I don't think dismissing them is wise so I've been working through them. It's alil tough because some questions, I cannot find the answers, all I can say is ' Only God Knows', which I think is a convenient excuse/reasoning for anyone. Who dares question it anyway unless you're an atheist, but ,hey, that brings us to whole new different topic.
But one of the paranoia that is burnig inside of me is that am I capable of being loved and loving? I know it's insane to think such as I am considered to be wonderfully lovable.. haha.. I guess that's the only kinda praise I am gona get these days, Self-praise. But in all seriousness, I think my paranoia and my fear of being thrown as been stopping me from gettin fully involved in having any kind of relationship. Or maybe I am just being a lazy fuck!
It's just too darn tiring to re-introduce oneself and try to impress someone. Furthermore, I will have to take that extra effort to meet up and such. I know that this attitude is reserved for bums and jackasses but seriously, I am so fuckin lazy. But I guess I've got to try ya know? Cos well, the person might become someone significant , if not lover then maybe even a good friend. I might risk losing an important relationship if I don't put in the effort right?
Being one's own mental skills trainer is tiring. The other day I secretly wished I could teleport myself to a beautiful beach with loads of cigarettes, alcohol and good books. Let's not forget music! I don't mind beautiful people too but as long as I don't know anybody and don't need to talk to anybody.
Unless I am ordering a Whiskey Sour.
Not that I don't like my life but it can get alil tiring and I am afraid this is just the beginning. But it's exciting and It's what I want but everyone needs time alone. That's why I am seriosly considering staying home for New Yr. I know it sounds absurd to many but alil quiet without worrying about tomorrow as been a rare luxury for me.
Well tomorrow another day of Liberaldreamz, Work and School. And I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oooo.. And Congrats to APPU and KIN on their new Jobs. One flies over the seas and the other flies through numbers. haha..
I hope I can really make it for the Genting trip with my cousins. It'll be a blast, i know for sure. And then I can have my time off with beautiful people.
Not to forget my Whiskey Sour.
Ju-outzz
Monday, 3 December 2007
Life so far
Heyo.. well it's been awhile I visited this 'personal' space of mine. More of public advertisement of my personal life. But i either case, couple of things filled my usually eventless life. Many things affected me. Some caused elation while others really caused a tear or two. So i'll try to list as many as my attention can possibly last.
THE PILLOWMAN
I don't know if many of you have heard of this play but it's absolutely-
fucking great. Initially all I know of this play is that it's black comedy and it's really and awesome piece of work;critically acclaimed and unbelievably incredible. And then, I saw that it's 2hrs and 45min and I nearly pulled out. That's equivalent to a damn bollyhood movie and I am not the sort to leave amidst a play, so if it's going to be darn boring, I am gona be utterly bored outa my wits!But truth be told, it was one of the best intellectual/mindfucking plays I have ever seen. My mind was still reeling the next days with the little stories in the play itself, and the manner in which each character breaks and rebuilds themselves. It's amazing. mindboggling. fingernail-biting good.
Hitting (ON) Women
This is another play i caught recently at the Action Theatre. Firtly I have to express my awe at the beauty of the place. Damn! I loved the whole set up. The cosiness of it all. I still dream of Liberal Dreamz official launch there. It's such a cosy and beautiful place. Not to mention classy. The right kinda image for the company. okay okay.. back to the play.
This play about abusive relationships specifically lesbian relationship really caught my attention. I never really thought much physical abuse or anykind of abuse takes place in a same-sex r/s. I might be naive but i just cannot comprehend the idea of one women hurting another women in the name of love. Alot of social issues were evoked withing me while watching this play. The reason for women to bear with their male counterpart's atrocities was the idea that society have ingrained in all of us. Man is stronger than woman. But for a woman to take the same kinda abuse from anther woman in the name of 'love' was an image i can barely put in my head. But I guess there's more to life and people and ,more importantly, the mind than we'll ever know. Psychology is ever evolving and so are human beings. A chase for the understanding never seems to end.
This write up speaks of what I felt but more thoroughly -http://inkpot.com/theatre/07reviews/0817,hittonwome,kk.html
THE OFFICE
As the title suggests, it's amazing that liberaldreamz has her very own office now. It's quite a big step. You can actually see the growth and feel the need to be there for her all the time. The mind's always thinking of how to make her feel better. Liberaldreamz's like a child to me. Pieced together with hope and love, it's alot of Faith that's keeping it together.
I think the communication between Ad and I is amazing and I can't think of a better person to have LiberalDreamz with. The office is a huge step. To see your dream materialise into something more than just images in your head can be quite alarming together with unbearable pride and elation. It's a lil scary, to put simply. Uncertainty and doubts about all things important and not. Emotions that can stand barrier to practicality. But i guess that's where team work comes to play. Takin a step back and understanding the situation and keeping one motivated, in this case keeping the two of us motivated. It'll be great! not mediocre.. Cause liberaldreamz is the brainchild of not just one of us, but two of us combined. And the formula spells perfection!
THE PEOPLE
You know, recently I looked around myself and started seeing how the people who've always been in life relate to me now. Some who have been friends, no longer seem so. And strangers seem closer. It's pretty darn disturbing how quicky life changes people, and how in turn, people change lives.
I've changed immensely. My wants and needs. My view and actions. Where I want to be and what I want to do. Everything about me evolved slowly to mould me into a different Ju who still encompass of the same ol JU also. It's a blend of old and new. Ok.. mayb just a lil improvement on the old JU.
But the point is, people who are considered close to me, don't seem to share the same insight as me anymore. And although it used to be really disappointing and sometimes painful, I realised, this is how life is. People change and one must allow for the growth. And when sometimes when you don't see eye to eye in on one area of conversation, ignore the topic. No use tryin to wish someone is just like you. I am learning to let go and acknowledge that people who are close to me are just different. To ask for me of them, is not fair to them. But it's so damn hard tho to accept that. But i'm trying.
THE WEDDINGS
There are so many weddings of close friends and families; of people that are in the same age group as me. It's really nice to hear that they have chosen someone to share their life with but I hope it doesn't alert my parents to the fact that they have a daughter too. I mean, you know how indian families are? Me being in my 20s now means only one thing; auctioning me off to the most eligible bachelor! If my parents start arranging meet-ups with different guys, I will pretend to throw theh biggest tantrum of my life! I am so not up for this kinda step; and possibly will NEVER be ready. I am so happy where i am now!
It really doesn't help that my own cousin's getting married in a few days time. And another one of my poly mate's tying the know at the end of the month. Both of whom are not much older than I am. My parents are so going to get ideas and I can just imagine the embarrasing conversations I am going to be subjected to. Call me traditional; call me shy.. but I don't really fancy talking about my love life with my parents. Especially when i don't exactly have one!
Okay so there..that's so far the main topics in my head. other than that, nothing out of the ordinary. And of course I left some things out because I'd rather leave em private.
Okay so there..that's so far the main topics in my head. other than that, nothing out of the ordinary. And of course I left some things out because I'd rather leave em private.
Duh!
Ju outz..
Saturday, 3 November 2007
work..break... work.. work.. work
Sometimes you love something or someone so much you disregard the other pieces of this jigsaw puzzle of a life.
I've buried myself in my Pract and absorbed all my attention unto the sports related to it and unrelated to it like running, that I forget one simple yet absolutely important thing, that DIWALI is approaching!!.. My mum is tryin to understand but I guess she's got her limits. Doesn't help that everyone in this family's hard-headed and has a short fuse.
bah.. guess i can't please everyone eh.But then again I should choose who i please wisely.hmmm.
Anyway Iorganised a halloween party with Addy for Tpiranhas and thought we did an awesome job. I mean, the girls all had fun and I very cunningly took it as an opporunity to work on rapport. But I don't think it's an issue. Sometimes I think, too much rapport is gona be the problem. They get too absorbed into the jokes and the fun, they forget the purpose.
And I hope we get the office for liberaldreamz real soon. It would really help with the focus and give me a place to focus at. I feel liberaldreamz could really become something, we just need more discipline than we have now.
I've decided to place tiny fitness goals so I don't put on a million pounds in 2 days cause, from experience, I know it's possible. Especially since meat cravings are being more and more frequent. Gosh! I soo need my meat and RICE! It's like ultimate reason for increasing the pounds but , hey, I love my food and stoppin is not really a valid option. But exercising is. And sometimes, that's scarier.
Anyway.. my next target's to run10km for the standard chartered in an hour. We'll see how that feels huh? I'm not really going to sign up for it because I don't really use the bags and stuff in it, I guess I'm just gona crash and run the route. What they gona do? Throw me unto oncoming traffic? wait.. i think i better check this one out.
So there:- 10km in 1 hour on 2nd Dec.
That leaves me another month. I could work out and use the NTUC BEACH FUN TOUCH RUGBY as a marker of how fit i really am. Besides I need to at least look good if i am going to participate in a sports carnival! hehe.. glamour always wins hands down.
okok.. me back to work.. Ju out!
I've buried myself in my Pract and absorbed all my attention unto the sports related to it and unrelated to it like running, that I forget one simple yet absolutely important thing, that DIWALI is approaching!!.. My mum is tryin to understand but I guess she's got her limits. Doesn't help that everyone in this family's hard-headed and has a short fuse.
bah.. guess i can't please everyone eh.But then again I should choose who i please wisely.hmmm.
Anyway Iorganised a halloween party with Addy for Tpiranhas and thought we did an awesome job. I mean, the girls all had fun and I very cunningly took it as an opporunity to work on rapport. But I don't think it's an issue. Sometimes I think, too much rapport is gona be the problem. They get too absorbed into the jokes and the fun, they forget the purpose.
And I hope we get the office for liberaldreamz real soon. It would really help with the focus and give me a place to focus at. I feel liberaldreamz could really become something, we just need more discipline than we have now.
I've decided to place tiny fitness goals so I don't put on a million pounds in 2 days cause, from experience, I know it's possible. Especially since meat cravings are being more and more frequent. Gosh! I soo need my meat and RICE! It's like ultimate reason for increasing the pounds but , hey, I love my food and stoppin is not really a valid option. But exercising is. And sometimes, that's scarier.
Anyway.. my next target's to run10km for the standard chartered in an hour. We'll see how that feels huh? I'm not really going to sign up for it because I don't really use the bags and stuff in it, I guess I'm just gona crash and run the route. What they gona do? Throw me unto oncoming traffic? wait.. i think i better check this one out.
So there:- 10km in 1 hour on 2nd Dec.
That leaves me another month. I could work out and use the NTUC BEACH FUN TOUCH RUGBY as a marker of how fit i really am. Besides I need to at least look good if i am going to participate in a sports carnival! hehe.. glamour always wins hands down.
okok.. me back to work.. Ju out!
Monday, 22 October 2007
Repeal 377A
It's not about Gay rights.
It's about Human rights.
Don't make Singapore judicial system a laughing stock!
Repeal 377A now!
www.repeal377A.com
P.S.
We await the results of both the
1. PARLIAMENTARY PETITION (presented in Parliament on 22 Oct)
2. OPEN LETTER to the Prime Minister (delivered on 22 Oct)
Sunday, 21 October 2007
Today.
Fallen leaves garland my head and feet
Dancing around a statuesque me
Standing here with no need for tomorrows
As i exhale all yearnings and sorrows
Bleed and bruise, once a fool
Lamenting of a fate , ever so cruel
Excusing myself, slaving for fears
This fool tosses to wind, all regrets and tears.
Now I let nothingness fade
As pride swells to take it's place
Groping no more, I am captain.
Leading my ship beyond the known.
Today. I break free.
Dancing around a statuesque me
Standing here with no need for tomorrows
As i exhale all yearnings and sorrows
Bleed and bruise, once a fool
Lamenting of a fate , ever so cruel
Excusing myself, slaving for fears
This fool tosses to wind, all regrets and tears.
Now I let nothingness fade
As pride swells to take it's place
Groping no more, I am captain.
Leading my ship beyond the known.
Today. I break free.
Saturday, 20 October 2007
10km? check!
It was 0630hrs on a beautiful morning. I sat on my bed wondering if this was necessary. Do i really want to do this? Is this pain absolutely necessary? I mean the very most I have done is less than half of what I'm about to attend and , in addition, the glutton in me , not to mention the indian that i was, had a hearty meal of pepper steak, fries, teh 'o' limau , teh and water. I was beginning to think that I dream too much; that at the end of the day what would it matter? But then again, Whina's whining was reason enough to get ma heavy 'lil india' of an arse of ma comfy bed. So i left for the day. Am i goin to survive? I don't really know. All I know is, I need the toilet, like desperately and i DON'T like portable toilets! So obviosly it started as a relatively scary day!
I reached the padang and there was at least 3000people there!! okay.. so maybe I'm exaggerating but there were ALOT of people and again the thought ' what the F**k am i doing here?!?! It's a sunday. the only one that i'm not really working?!'. But i thought since I'm here just do what I can and get over it. ya know?! The feeling of 'WATEVA!' set in. I know i wasn't prepared mentally physically, emotionally and psychologically. Basically it felt like I was being suicidal and appropriately the ' Beautiful Girls' by Sean Kingston played when we were taking of for our Great Eastern Run at 0730hrs! It was like a sign. I should back out.. As I jogged ahead, i heard him call out 'Suicidal, suicidal'.....
First 3 km was hellish.. I was having a horrible shin pain, my knee bones was 'rikketing' away(if it's even possible!) and I started wheezing. All i could think of was 'don't stop, you can jsut complete the 5km-fun run and get over with it!'. And then. it happened!! The fall.. My leg got too heavy, my vision blurred and in 10seconds flat i fell and stood up back again.. besides the unbearbly irritating pain of multiple scratches and abrasions on the right limbs, my pride was damaged! I was like, this is pain and all is starting to irritate me.. It didn't help that I saw a old grandmother cross the opposite side at 6km when i was still at 3km mark! DAMN IT! And that was it.. i decided, if there's any way to redeem myself, it's to complete the 10km run without stopping even for a while. And i put my heart where my pride once stood and rammed forward. ( At this juncture, you might want to think bollyhood movies but i'd much rather you imagine me running to the tune of 'Eye of the Tiger'!).But I did, I completed my first full 10km run in less than 3 days.. hehe.. so it was in about one and half hour but I have NEVER in my life ran a full 10km without stopping and even more so when I fell injuring my self, running with blood dripping from my elbow. I think I might have caused some people to faint, I truly apologise but I was trying to imagine myself as Rocky.. hehe..
And I was thinking of the funniest things. Like singing songs and then suddenly running on auto-pilot.. haha.. I even imagined myself flying..damn!
But it was amazing. The feeling was euphoric although I nearly died bathing cause the pain's unbearble! I screamed like a wuss but at padang itself, I remained calm and kept my glam side intact. hehe..
But never theless, It's completed. Aching legs aside,now I know i can do ANYTHING as long as I want it bad enough.
Thanks to both the Adelines cause in your own ways, you urged me to do this. What have i gained? A new sense of me, the value of pride, self esteem and a DAMN BIG BRUISE.
But hey, that's life eh.
Ju outs.
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
Mindfreak freaked my mind
I was watching Criss Angel today and yes, we all know that he is an amazing magician and he is arguably one of the best. But this one trick blew my mind away. I swear he sold his soul to the devil (but you didn't hear it from me). There's something about this magicians that scare the hibbee jeebeezz outa me. Maybe the fact they seem to operate from a world that is limbo between 'here' and 'there'.
What ever it is, I just couldn't do anything else while watching him do this illusion(i refuse to believe that it's magic). I swear i would've died if i were in the room. ok.. not died.. but probably shit in my pants!
watch it and you'll know what I'm yakking about.
mind blowing stuff!!!!
eh?
What ever it is, I just couldn't do anything else while watching him do this illusion(i refuse to believe that it's magic). I swear i would've died if i were in the room. ok.. not died.. but probably shit in my pants!
watch it and you'll know what I'm yakking about.
mind blowing stuff!!!!
eh?
Friday, 12 October 2007
Passion, to me.
pas·sion·ate
–adjective
1. having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid
(Taken from Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.)
–adjective
1. having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid
(Taken from Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.)
To me, it is an overwhelming desire that converts a 'want' into a 'need'. An unconditional love for a act or a person. It can be embedded into your character or it can be aroused only in some contexts. But it survives in everyone of us. It breathes, laying dormant within us awaiting an opportunity to rise. And when risen, you see the likes of Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Theresa. When the passion is aroused, nothing else matters but that 'need' which was not too long ago, only a mere 'want'.
But sometimes amidst the light of passion, a certain darkness falls. In this darkness, doubts swirl; Is it worth it? The sacrifices and the loss? Is it necessary to feel so much for something? Would anyone care? How long will this last? Can so much passion 'kill'?
Doubts so powerful, they can weigh you down; burying you, pinning you down. And you lay there with no desire to fight against the odds. You see only the darkness occupy the space that light once stood so proudly.
And one can never escape this fate unless one chooses to. The choice to want to feel the need. The choice to want to feel the light. The belief in the faith in oneself.
Passion is after all a belief. A belief strong enough to convert a 'want' into a 'need'.
But sometimes amidst the light of passion, a certain darkness falls. In this darkness, doubts swirl; Is it worth it? The sacrifices and the loss? Is it necessary to feel so much for something? Would anyone care? How long will this last? Can so much passion 'kill'?
Doubts so powerful, they can weigh you down; burying you, pinning you down. And you lay there with no desire to fight against the odds. You see only the darkness occupy the space that light once stood so proudly.
And one can never escape this fate unless one chooses to. The choice to want to feel the need. The choice to want to feel the light. The belief in the faith in oneself.
Passion is after all a belief. A belief strong enough to convert a 'want' into a 'need'.
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Please donate!
Pls donate to give this poor soul a home. Preferably my home.
or even for her cousin;
Or maybe even if it's for me to get a lic to keep them...
any kind of monetary donation is definitely appreciated!
Thanks..
or even for her cousin;
Or maybe even if it's for me to get a lic to keep them...
any kind of monetary donation is definitely appreciated!
Thanks..
Saying Hi to the Universe
I know I only blogged this morning and this post might seem like an attempt to convince you that this blog is going to be up for sometime. I assure you that I am not so dumb nor desperate as to utilise my energy into convincing my faceless readers. So what if this becomes another abandoned blog. I am sure I am just another entertainment read and with me gone, you would probably replace me with another. Now that blogging seems to be always in fashion.
The reason behind this post at the unearthly hour is a thought in me. In just the past two weeks, a realisation dawned upon me. I met new people and understood more about existing people in my life. It amazed me because nothin outta the ordinary actually happened. I mean in terms of my life; talking to a stranger and having a conversation with the loud toilet attendent at the mrt station is pretty much a norm. But as many would like to say ' The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways'.
I realised that sometimes when we have an idea about a person, and life makes it such that you have to challenge the idea, it can get quite scary. To actually have that realisation that, maybe the idea of the person is something that you hold on to and have grown used to. But now life gives you a different perspective, so do you take up the challenge of lookin at this person through a different pair of glasses? I did.
I was scared at first because shifting a belief that you have kept for years meant shifting other beliefs that have piled up upon it. But in all honesty, I think i was more reluctant because it meant that I had nothing to brood over. Alil sadness always encouraged creativity. It allows us to reside in a world of our own;A world so sad.It's like a drug. The sadness becomes a sort of a pill we take to keep us intuned with our emotions. I am guessing that it might be cultural. Being emo and dark and mysterious and broody, always seem to be in fashion. As much as it might make you cool like an anime character with blue eyes and knee high boots, It eats you up inside.
But i did. I looked at the person with a different pair of eyes and i realised that i allowed a bruised ego depress me rather than the idea i had of the situation. For many years, I thought I was being defeated but actually I realised that there was no fight to begin with.It was all in my head. It took Life's many weird ways to speak to me.
And even recently I met a woman of amazing aura. To think that she lived in the same block for a year and we've never met just amazes me. And then to find out that she conducts motivational classes for housewives and older folks blew me away. Cause although the participants might differ, the principles we work on is the same.If you haven't realise, I am studyin to be a sports psychologist or mental skills coach. And she gave me the most beautiful motivation to help me realise what I am doing and how i can help people with what I am doing.
Instead of looking for an avenue to brood and swim in a pool of pity,I realised I had the power to move people to be a better person. I had the ability to help.
And here i was worrying about things so minute and unnecessary like never falling in love with someone who loves me. It is something beyond my control. And all i have to do is allow the universe to take it's course and just be open to it.
It's like the Universe is telling me 'This is your purpose. I am sending you major hints and signals'. If I don't read them right, then I'd rather get hit by baseball bat.
It's wonderful, really. To be able to feel empowered all over again. To feel that you have the strength to do what you believe you were created to do.
I believe that that everything happens for a reason at the precise time it is supposed to happen.'So what if you're wrong?'some might ask. 'So what!' I say.Who judges wrong or right anyway? It's a matter of want to belief or not. And that belief itself can make immense difference.
We just got to open our minds and eyes to the environment around us and understand the signs that remind us of the beauty we are trully blessed with.
Today I see the beauty that I am and the beauty that surrounds me.
So if there's one thing you wish to take from reading this post, may it be this;
Allow yourself say Hi to a stranger cause you might discover yourself.
Never forget to say Hi to a friend, you might solve another mystery of life.
JU outz
The reason behind this post at the unearthly hour is a thought in me. In just the past two weeks, a realisation dawned upon me. I met new people and understood more about existing people in my life. It amazed me because nothin outta the ordinary actually happened. I mean in terms of my life; talking to a stranger and having a conversation with the loud toilet attendent at the mrt station is pretty much a norm. But as many would like to say ' The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways'.
I realised that sometimes when we have an idea about a person, and life makes it such that you have to challenge the idea, it can get quite scary. To actually have that realisation that, maybe the idea of the person is something that you hold on to and have grown used to. But now life gives you a different perspective, so do you take up the challenge of lookin at this person through a different pair of glasses? I did.
I was scared at first because shifting a belief that you have kept for years meant shifting other beliefs that have piled up upon it. But in all honesty, I think i was more reluctant because it meant that I had nothing to brood over. Alil sadness always encouraged creativity. It allows us to reside in a world of our own;A world so sad.It's like a drug. The sadness becomes a sort of a pill we take to keep us intuned with our emotions. I am guessing that it might be cultural. Being emo and dark and mysterious and broody, always seem to be in fashion. As much as it might make you cool like an anime character with blue eyes and knee high boots, It eats you up inside.
But i did. I looked at the person with a different pair of eyes and i realised that i allowed a bruised ego depress me rather than the idea i had of the situation. For many years, I thought I was being defeated but actually I realised that there was no fight to begin with.It was all in my head. It took Life's many weird ways to speak to me.
And even recently I met a woman of amazing aura. To think that she lived in the same block for a year and we've never met just amazes me. And then to find out that she conducts motivational classes for housewives and older folks blew me away. Cause although the participants might differ, the principles we work on is the same.If you haven't realise, I am studyin to be a sports psychologist or mental skills coach. And she gave me the most beautiful motivation to help me realise what I am doing and how i can help people with what I am doing.
Instead of looking for an avenue to brood and swim in a pool of pity,I realised I had the power to move people to be a better person. I had the ability to help.
And here i was worrying about things so minute and unnecessary like never falling in love with someone who loves me. It is something beyond my control. And all i have to do is allow the universe to take it's course and just be open to it.
It's like the Universe is telling me 'This is your purpose. I am sending you major hints and signals'. If I don't read them right, then I'd rather get hit by baseball bat.
It's wonderful, really. To be able to feel empowered all over again. To feel that you have the strength to do what you believe you were created to do.
I believe that that everything happens for a reason at the precise time it is supposed to happen.'So what if you're wrong?'some might ask. 'So what!' I say.Who judges wrong or right anyway? It's a matter of want to belief or not. And that belief itself can make immense difference.
We just got to open our minds and eyes to the environment around us and understand the signs that remind us of the beauty we are trully blessed with.
Today I see the beauty that I am and the beauty that surrounds me.
So if there's one thing you wish to take from reading this post, may it be this;
Allow yourself say Hi to a stranger cause you might discover yourself.
Never forget to say Hi to a friend, you might solve another mystery of life.
JU outz
Mind over Matter. Sex over Prata.
Isn't it just wonderful how life can turn 360deg just cause we wish it to do so?
You know how people like to throw the words 'it's all in the mind' at you, everytime you feel like giving up. And of cos, we feel like putting a fist to their mouths because I'd rather have some kind of physical or monetary help than just advise.
But take a step back from your misery and you'll realise that there's more truth in that phrase than you ever imagined. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to sock the person who's advising just for the sadistic fun of it but nevertheless the phrase can change your life.
I am actually practising what I am about to preach to a couple of athletes. I believe that the best way to connect to these athletes, when sharing with them the mental skills I have acquired, is to go through the same ardent journey of learning to apply these skills. I hope to get some kind of rapport because I can truly say ' what i'm sharing with you is no bull'. But holy crap,it ain't easy..
Today I just completed a 4km run without stopping. Don't ask about the timing cause I didn't really care. All i know is that the sun was still up when i was done. Which is of course a VERY good thing. It was alil experiment and I was the lab rat. To test the extent of mental strength and to actually convince myself why it's important. You see, I can't sell if I am not convinced.
Well bringing us back to the first question, it actually changed my view on life. I was lazy and although appeared to be confident, didn't really make the mark. One might question whether one run can actually change the world or the person. It's a valid question but i feel that it takes one moment to make that one change to one's mindset that is so critical in deciding between winning and comin in second.So i say it can. It changed me. Believe me, I was smiling once I was done. Although my legs were crumbling and I felt the over whelming need to sleep for three days, I felt that I was capable of anything because 'it's all in my mind'.
Please take note that only last week, i wasn't even able to run a decent 2.4km without panting like scooby doo. I think it's amazing.
Well I am going to conduct more experiments on myself and if in the process I become rich or die trying, would somebody please make a movie outta my life. I'm sure you'll earn big bucks! Cause we're talking about me; i don't find trouble, trouble finds me. There you go, I already got the title for you.
Anyway Ad's in Aussie. Hopes she's doin well. Kinda weird that ma buddy's not around cause I see her nearly everyday. I hope she ain't driving someone else nuts by whining at them. Have fun addie!
Oooo.. and i got kinda amused when i heard this line from this song by Fergie -Clumsy
"You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, crumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you"
More like a funny thought went thru my head. If I were like Fergie and actually IN love, I'd probably die. Because even now when I am single and in love with noone, I'm trippin, stumblin, flipping, somersaulting, cartwheeling..just plain clumsy. Even yday when i went to meet faz and saiful, i tripped on a damn curb and my toenail is still aching till today. I think it's a chronic incurable disease; This clumsiness i have.
Talkin about yday meetin with faz and saiful, we went to simpang and they were playin Dvds on the TV. and Suddenly a scene of ultmate dodginess came on in the family-orientated eating place. Orlando Bloom was stark naked and sticking his woody into some chic who was exposin her tits. It just ain't right! There are kids around! I appreciate that these are the truths of life but spare a thought for the parents who were just after work with their young ones, man! I'm sure they're not gona be in the mood to explain about the birds and the bees over prata and teh.
It's funny when things like this happen in CENSOR HUB S'PORE! It's like there are secret communities out to make the Government look like fools. But then again, not like the Government are doing a bad job on their own. But hey, who am i to say but a lone girl in sunny singapore where everything always seems nice on the surface and all the craps pushed under the carpet.
That shall be left for another posting. I'll be going now..
Ju Out
You know how people like to throw the words 'it's all in the mind' at you, everytime you feel like giving up. And of cos, we feel like putting a fist to their mouths because I'd rather have some kind of physical or monetary help than just advise.
But take a step back from your misery and you'll realise that there's more truth in that phrase than you ever imagined. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to sock the person who's advising just for the sadistic fun of it but nevertheless the phrase can change your life.
I am actually practising what I am about to preach to a couple of athletes. I believe that the best way to connect to these athletes, when sharing with them the mental skills I have acquired, is to go through the same ardent journey of learning to apply these skills. I hope to get some kind of rapport because I can truly say ' what i'm sharing with you is no bull'. But holy crap,it ain't easy..
Today I just completed a 4km run without stopping. Don't ask about the timing cause I didn't really care. All i know is that the sun was still up when i was done. Which is of course a VERY good thing. It was alil experiment and I was the lab rat. To test the extent of mental strength and to actually convince myself why it's important. You see, I can't sell if I am not convinced.
Well bringing us back to the first question, it actually changed my view on life. I was lazy and although appeared to be confident, didn't really make the mark. One might question whether one run can actually change the world or the person. It's a valid question but i feel that it takes one moment to make that one change to one's mindset that is so critical in deciding between winning and comin in second.So i say it can. It changed me. Believe me, I was smiling once I was done. Although my legs were crumbling and I felt the over whelming need to sleep for three days, I felt that I was capable of anything because 'it's all in my mind'.
Please take note that only last week, i wasn't even able to run a decent 2.4km without panting like scooby doo. I think it's amazing.
Well I am going to conduct more experiments on myself and if in the process I become rich or die trying, would somebody please make a movie outta my life. I'm sure you'll earn big bucks! Cause we're talking about me; i don't find trouble, trouble finds me. There you go, I already got the title for you.
Anyway Ad's in Aussie. Hopes she's doin well. Kinda weird that ma buddy's not around cause I see her nearly everyday. I hope she ain't driving someone else nuts by whining at them. Have fun addie!
Oooo.. and i got kinda amused when i heard this line from this song by Fergie -Clumsy
"You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, crumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you"
More like a funny thought went thru my head. If I were like Fergie and actually IN love, I'd probably die. Because even now when I am single and in love with noone, I'm trippin, stumblin, flipping, somersaulting, cartwheeling..just plain clumsy. Even yday when i went to meet faz and saiful, i tripped on a damn curb and my toenail is still aching till today. I think it's a chronic incurable disease; This clumsiness i have.
Talkin about yday meetin with faz and saiful, we went to simpang and they were playin Dvds on the TV. and Suddenly a scene of ultmate dodginess came on in the family-orientated eating place. Orlando Bloom was stark naked and sticking his woody into some chic who was exposin her tits. It just ain't right! There are kids around! I appreciate that these are the truths of life but spare a thought for the parents who were just after work with their young ones, man! I'm sure they're not gona be in the mood to explain about the birds and the bees over prata and teh.
It's funny when things like this happen in CENSOR HUB S'PORE! It's like there are secret communities out to make the Government look like fools. But then again, not like the Government are doing a bad job on their own. But hey, who am i to say but a lone girl in sunny singapore where everything always seems nice on the surface and all the craps pushed under the carpet.
That shall be left for another posting. I'll be going now..
Ju Out
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